Ciel x Eyepatch
by Fewfre
Summary: You know you want to be that eyepatch. OOC and hints of lemon, though not the sour kind.


It was always there for him. No, not any of that hypothetical bullshit or any such, but physically and literally there. Like a pad. Not saying Ciel Phantomhive was a girl of course! He just has his moments…

Right, back to the story. There is one, right? This isn't just some trollfic? Do people in the nineteenth century know what that means?

So anyway back to whatever the hell is passionately happening. Ciel lay on his side on the gigantic mattress, a bored eye turned toward the sun as he looked out a visibly clear window. Across from him also laying down was his only friend, the only person he could trust above all.

The eyepatch wasn't much, just a black string connected from both ends to a flat piece of oval-shaped black leather, but the meaning of the fabric was much, much more. It gave his left eyeball comfort from the wind and it's accomplices the water and fire, and saved him from being humiliated for having a pentagram on his iris. But most importantly it had been with him through all his endeavors and troubles, staying loyally by his side. Now more than ever Ciel valued his eyepatch, even though the eyepatch didn't speak to him as much as it used to.

"Eyepatch, why won't you talk to me?" Ciel whispered desperately, throwing a childish tantrum by throwing covers to the ground. "We've been through so much together but now I feel that we're…seperating."

He suddenly clasped a hand over his mouth, _sensually_. "Alas, I cannot speak so boldly! It might hurt your feelings even more, if I've already hurt them. O, but my heart grows weary—"

"Shut the fuck up bitch I'm trying to photosynthesize here," The eyepatch snapped, glaring from it's core.

Large anime tears rolled down the black-haired boy's cheeks, giving what little color could be given to those motherfucking pale pieces of flesh. Seriously, does this guy get any sun? It's like he has to have an umbrella with him or something when he goes out or he'll burn like that witch from the Wizard of Oz—remember, Dorothy? Ah, y'all are hopeless.

Ciel froze in shock for a moment, peering down at his beloved item. "But…I thought eyepatches weren't plants-?"

"Do you know nothing?" It (oops, I mean he. Or she. Crap I can't tell, whichever fills the fanbase more) yelped heatedly, "Obviously eyepatches need sunlight so they can use it for energy!"

"Energy for what?"

"Do you want to have sexy times with me today or not?"

"…I'll be quiet," Ciel murmured, then kneeled on the floor in a butler uniform and bowed to the eyepatch,

"My master."

The eyepatch sniffed snobbishly. "Hell yes you just bowed to an inanimate object."

AND SO SEXY (AND ALSO DISTURBING) TIMES ENSUED!

And you, reader, will get a nosebleed from my description of the sexual intercourse between an adolescent boy and black eyepatch.

"Ah, eyepatch~"

….Now that I think about it maybe that isn't such a great idea.

So the two lay in one arm, Ciel cuddling his eyepatch with flushed cheeks.

"That was amazing, eyepatch, I haven't felt that way in a long time…" Ciel trailed off, seductively flicking the string back and releasing it.

The eyepatch showed no reaction, but any fangirl could see it was totally turned on.

Then, from out of nowhere, it asked, "You're legal, right?"

"Whatever do you mean by that?" Ciel gasped lightly, confused in the most girlish way possible.

The eyepatch flopped away from him, no longer seemingly turned on. "You're above the age of eighteen? 'Cause if you aren't I'm gonna have to slap a hoe."

"But-but-I'm not!" The earl wailed, crying. Again. "I'm thirteen!"

"OH HELL NAW." The eyepatch continued to back away, almost falling off of the bed before catching itself. How did an eyepatch do this? I think that you should stop questioning the rationality of this fanfic, my reader…

"Don't hit me, daddy!"

"Didn't I tell you I was gonna have to slap a hoe?" The eyepatch roared in outrage, spitting out little follicles of leather, "DIDN'T I?"

"NO!" Ciel yelped as the eyepatch struck it's string across his face, marking a line of red across his perfectly white skin. The boy cried, trying to wipe away tears that he would never forget, but the accessory didn't let up; it was, after all, a sexy sexy sadist.

At the moment when he was sure he had gone unconscious, Ciel was able to hear the last few words of the frantic eyepatch: "Oh shit, oh shit, what am I gonna tell the boys back home? There'll gonna kill me for sure!"

As ever Ciel woke up to darkness, this time it being literal. He frowned at the moon and measured the time to be around midnight. _All just a dream, huh…_

He glanced next to him and saw a black eyepatch lying neatly on top of the bedsheets. There was no voice emitting from it, and when Ciel felt his face he felt no hot spots.

Sighing with newfound exhaustion, he relaxed against the pillows and pulled his covers over him again. _I'll have to tell Sebastian to throw away whatever I ate today…_

After that the young adult was sound asleep, breathing shallow and calm.

He didn't take notice of the strange white liquid oozing from the opposite side of the eyepatch, dripping eerily from black string.


End file.
